OBSESSED
by Miss Malice Alice
Summary: The mind is capable of many-...no millions of thoughts in such a short spam of time. I wonder what you'd be thinking after you're dead. Sebastian/Ciel


Of all the times where crying was necessary, why have I found myself crying knowing that you had never once lied? Why am I crying knowing you're still here with me, like you promised? Why am I making this such a big deal?

"_Stop crying…-damn it, stop crying!"_

This isn't at all like I expected. I never expected this place to be the exact opposite from what I've read in books. Maybe you made it this way to make the realization of being dead more bearable. Although, I'm not at all making a fuss over the fact that I'm now dead. I really could care less. Death didn't frighten me. Nothing could frighten me because I didn't have anything to be afraid of. Not while you were there. Always there, standing beside me.

I feel…weightless. Is this…what it feels like to be dead? Is this how it's supposed to feel? Am I supposed to mourn for myself? It seems only proper that I should do so…-even if I don't mean any word I utter to bring my lifeless flesh salvation. At least let me pray that my body isn't found. Let me just pray that it'll decay a little every second of the day. Just let the flesh rot. I don't need any special words for that lifeless pile of bones underneath a blanket of white flesh.

We. That word sounds so abnormal to speak. _We_. It had always been just I. Nothing more than just I. The word sounds and tastes so lovely. We are both completely different, you and I. What's there that's common between us? I can't name anything. Ambition, maybe? Disregard for the laws? Resentfulness? Maybe it's all those. I like that.

How funny you are. You with the ruby eyes and raven black hair. You with the devilish smile that's both seductive and dangerous. You, the charismatic devil of a man who had helped me dress, undress, and bathe myself. You who used those cold, hyperactive hands and fingers to cook my food and those same fingers and hands to pour my wine into a glass that was bigger than my own palm. Although, I had a hell of a time getting you to pour the wine in the first place.

And that voice. That voice that was deep, strong, and cruel, yet gentle and kind. There was a time where that same voice used to startle me when I heard just a few single words. Those syllables sounding much like a hiss. A lovely hiss that must have tickled your tongue. My, how hypnotizing I'm making this.

You were and still are too much like a drug. A fatal drug that once made me come back to life, but to only kill me again. Such a tragic story you made me. Such a tragic story you were and still are. I can't help myself from thinking such things. Such examples I'm using to reconstruct your personality. There's nothing in this world…-no sort of anything that couldn't and cannot possibly relate to you. How beautiful and ugly your personality is.

You are both beautiful and repulsive. You make me sick, but you make me want to kiss your face over and over until there's nothing left for me to claim as my own.

There wasn't a time where I thought that kissing your beautifully curved lips wasn't a bad idea. Why didn't I just ask to do this? Instead…I snuck into your room late at night, hoping you were asleep so that you wouldn't find my scarlet face above yours and my own lips placed over your own. I found it to be so wonderful to know that you returned those 5 second long pecks on the lips. Embarrassed, yes I was, but I couldn't help but let my heart leap at the sheer joy. What would have happened if you opened your eyes, just once? I probably would have slapped you and raced out of your room, my heart still beating too vigorously. If that would have happened, I think I would have died.

Please don't stare at me. Please don't smile, either. Please stop before I find myself jumping in your arms, my own around your neck so that I'm supported. Although, I don't see why I have to hold on. You always hold me firmly, and if not mistaken, protectively. Can you just please look at something else?

"Say...let me ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Get down on your knees, then."

"Of course. What is it that needs to be asked?"

"Keep your eyes open."

"Alright, but I'm afraid I don't quite understand."

"Just do it."

"Of course."

I leant forward I, myself, falling onto my knees, well, kneeling so to speak, just like you. I stare at you, your eyes never blinking, only obeying my order. Such a hypocrite, you are. I love you. I only stare at you more, noticing the sudden hint of confusion in your eyes. When I see you open your mouth, knowing you're getting ready to question my sudden mute behavior, I immediately place two fingers against your lips to silence you. I'm sorry to say I don't feel like hearing your hypnotizing voice right now. I just want you to say silent so that I can hear the both of us breathe.

More I leant forward, only a good many inches away from you. It's sad knowing that I had leaned as far as I could go while kneeling, so now, I'm on all fours, crawling to where you are. Where you're still kneeling like a soldier to his king. How funny to realize that's what you and I are. A soldier and a king, yet I'm the one crawling to you. Your frozen stature amazes me so! It seems to distract me. Distract me enough to stop crawling and only stare at the only thing on your body that's moving, your chest that's moving to the pattern of you breathing. How beautiful…

Are you getting impatient with me? If not, then why did you break the sudden trance to only latch onto my shoulders? Why did you do that, exactly? Was it to bring me closer to yourself or to show that you're still here and waiting for me? The impatience you have that I never knew you had. Did you understand what I wanted of you just now? Which was to only -…to innocently place a small, but firm kiss upon your cheek? You didn't force me to place my lips upon your surprisingly warm cheek. You only provided me with some assistance. Again, you keep me there, my lips still pressed on the warm flesh, inside your large arms. As the minutes go by, I feel your own lips lightly graze my cheek, but you don't kiss me there. _Vile and painful…how terrible that you do this to me, you vile devil!_ You lightly begin to kiss my neck. _Soft…so soft. I hate you for it._ I feel your sharp teeth now, I can feel them nibbling on my neck, leaving tiny bite marks that'll never scar, only bleed for a while. _Still…too soft. You treat me the way a man treats a woman._ Stop it…but registering what you intend to do, I push myself away. I don't like to be kissed like that. If you want to kiss me, then force it upon me.

"Say…let me ask you something."

"What is it?"

"Why did you do that, exactly?"

"Did what, dear?"

"Why did you bring me to you…when I was fully capable of handling that myself?"

You giggle lightly. Why?

"You were taking too long, dear. I'm not very patient."

"Why?"

"What a silly thing to ask."

"Why silly?"

"You yourself are silly, are you not? You funny little creature."

"Stop saying things like that. It's annoying."

"I apologize, then."

_**Liar. You liar, you liar, liar, liar, liar.**_

"Please, then. Promise me something.

"Yes, my lovely?"

"…Please let me go when I tell you to."

"Of course, but may I ask when you wish to be let go?"

Silence. Although, it's silence, the stillness can speak. If you listen, you can hear the silence speak. What is it saying, exactly?

Talk, softly and it'll talk back, but don't ever get angry and don't ever mock. Just listen and you'll hear the stillness speak to you.

"My dear?"

I grip you. I can't let go of you. I want to never let you go. Please…just stay on your knees and I'll do the same. I'll be the frozen statue while your hands roam across my back that isn't really there. Just always…just always…just always…

Just always…

Just always hold the frame of myself that's not really there, but there to be held by you.

"My dear…my darling," you say.

I feel your lips again. What are you doing to me? Your kisses are rougher, I see. What do you intend to do, then? Bite me? Drink me? Eat me? Please, then. Please do as you wish. Just don't be gentle with a body that isn't there.

Again, the lips are upon me, never ceasing as seconds go by that I feel the steady pace, the agonizing and humiliating pace, go faster. _Come on, don't be shy. Be the sadistic being that you truly are._ The pace of the feverish kisses are going much faster now. I find myself clutching even tighter now that I feel your teeth dig inside both sides of my neck and shoulders. It hurts…it hurts…it _**hurts**__._ My god, I can feel the pain shooting up my nerved muscles as they, in reflex, flinch and tense from the sharp pressure of your teeth.

You begin to kiss my face, my red face. The same face you used to wash and cherish when it looked as though I would burst into tears out of humiliation and pain.

Slowly, the kisses lower to my chin, my ears, and the crook of my neck. My arms tighten around you as your own unfold from around me and lightly guide me to the warm ground. Though, you don't stop kissing me and my eyes are tightly closed, I feel your presence above me, your long fingers raping my hair, my cheeks, my sides.

_This is embarrassing…_

I could only dream of what you want to do to me right here and right now, but to my shock, the kisses you so blessedly covered me with have come to a sudden stop. My eyes open without knowing to find you hovering over me, a smile that's close to a smirk. _Coward!_

You caught me in a moment of weakness. How many times have you seen my weaknesses? I want to slap you, but as I raise one of my arms, you grabbed the limp limb, cruelly, and pin me there. I can see the anticipation, the lust in your eyes. Or…am I just imagining this?

Just let my arm go. You're causing a pain that's excruciating. I won't struggle if you don't want one. _Come on, then, you coward. Take what you have wanted that you were bound to never have during your services that only belonged to me. Take it before I change my mind._

Keep still. Don't move. Just stay motionless. It'll hurt less. What will hurt less? You didn't…do anything. You only stared and gave me a fierce kiss with want and urgency. That was it. You stood then and on the way, you gently took my arms and brought me to my feet as well, kissing the arm you pinned.

"Please forgive my actions, dear."

"You…you…"

"Yes?"

I hug you. Why are you twisting my emotions like this? Making me act like a woman! How unforgivable of you. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I feel your secure arms envelope me again.

I barely hear the words you spoke. I only caught the last few you said.

"-you strange little darling."


End file.
